Some dreams I had in the last few days
For the past few days, my dreams have been quite… peculiar. As summer break nears its end, I decided to put my sleep schedule straight during this week. Therefore, I started going to bed earlier than before with the help of some medication I sometimes use. At first, nothing unusual seemed to happen. Yes, there were some bad days, however I was mostly being able to sleep on the proper times I scheduled without much resistance.
Nonetheless, on the 29th, something strange took place. But first, I need to give you some context. Since I was a child, I had absurdly high grade glasses since my vision has always been weak. This made that, whenever I took my glasses of, my vision would become so blurred that the environment surrounding me appeared to gain a life of its own, even when the place was completely motionless. This produced some quite bizarre sightings through my life, however the one I was this week was the most grotesque of them all.
For some reason, I always feel that I am constantly observed from my room’s lateral window - a feeling that is only intensified by my poor eyesight. In the gap between the curtain and the wall, I have a little bit of visibility on the outside. Yet, it is not enough to determine precisely what’s there. This Tuesday, out of nowhere, right when I was about to wake up, the entity who has always observed me finally came and reached to me. I opened my eyes and a silhouette was there, born from the blurry scenario. I shook in cold sweat. It seemed like eternity. I couldn’t move.
Yesterday, I went to bed later as I was eager to finish A Paixão Segundo G.H., a novel by Clarice Lispector. As I achieved my goal, I took a pill and turned off the lights, with only a small beam of moonlight reaching my room through the window's gap. At first, it was like always; I just kept rambling through past mistakes until I started to relax. But, suddenly, I started to listen to an old pipe organ that seemed to be right by my side. It was playing the first compasses of Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor – yes, that cliché macabre piece everybody has listened to an infinite amount of times.
Then, the noises of my environment started mixing between themselves. The dogs’ barking in the streets, the cars on an avenue two blocks away, and the train passing through the railway just behind my house became one, but also every single sound there was. I couldn’t sleep anymore. I just got out of bed and went to the kitchen to make some green tea to survive the rest of the night. Even though I know why this happened, it is still an intriguing experience to me.
Albeit all of these have evident explanations, I still find them experiences worthy of an text. They materialized something I have been dealing for years. As the creature approached me, I realized it was nothing but me. I had been observing myself for a while, judging the parts of me that I could not control. It was just those thoughts, running wild in my mind, in a physical form. The same is true for the sounds. I can’t even think about a single time were I went to bed without having struggles with them.
They just gave more life too this entire "observation" thing. I was just trying to find an escape goat for some things I don’t consciously. Maybe explaining these images might not be the best thing to do. Just letting them be what they are would be better, as most of the times explanations kill meaning. Still, I think writing about them might be the not that bad for the sake of understaing myself better. I really enjoy the idea of keeping a dream journal here, nonetheless I don’t really want to expose any more dreams yet; maybe I can think of a way to censor them to avoid over self-exposition.